found objects, move to the attic, shochu w/ alex&buursma

Hah- I have little patience for the absurd masculinity of young american men these days. I laugh because it seems so transparent and silly to me now. Like watching birds concentrate on dances to attract a mate. They can't help it, it's just instinct.
The perfect ten game, the fascination with animals attacking each other, the helpless sexual tensions no one mentions. They all seem so ridiculous- ways to affirm our own masculinity (existing within such a narrow cultural and historical context) and each other's masculinity. Like the idea of private property (it doesn't exist), the ideas we have about masculinity don't exist- they're completely fabricated (this isn't to say that men and women are the same- they're not. it's just what we define as the sociological differences between men and women are created and enforced. i don't think we really understand the difference between the genders.)
Anyway, I don't know what I'm talking about. Hopefully someday I will. And hopefully someday I will be able to live with men who understand masculinity similarly to me.

nesting at ryne's, mulled wine, frozen snow doesn't melt

funny. tonight my friend crush was actualized. i had good genuine deep conversation with ryne individually. i find a peace in him now because of how he plans to move to portland. and how he expects to expand as an artist and as a conscious. grand rapids is only here for a small bit of time------------ then comes an externalization of the internalized.

i think simply being a part of another individual's progression is beautiful. tonight made sense because i understand how us being in each others lives makes sense.

interesting that the first time i mentioned ryne came at a time where all culture and progressive life seemed ridiculous and uninteresting...