what's important for me to remember about this momentous email exchange with stephanie is that my perception of the energies around me doesn't validate [in any way] my experiences. my reality isn't valid. it's just not. (so much of these words as i type them are steeped in a self-centered martyrdom and self-hate... i'm a narcissistic mess... there I go again, self-impressed by how well i can put myself down).
this also goes for the pride and sense of accomplishment i've felt through my progress in understanding my insecurities. in reality, i'm sifting through years of cowardice and refusal to actually heal and communicate. and once i start slowly and silently making some mental headway, i give myself a cookie.
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